I think the beautifully hilarious comics from The Awkward Yeti describes our relationship quite perfectly. You are a pretty good friend. I respect what you do, you do a fairly good job at keeping me in line most of the time. However, we need to discuss your behavior lately.
You are usually so good at the whole logic and practicality thing. What is happening? What is wrong with you? Where is the logic? Where is the thinking practically? The lack of your expertise is actually beginning to concern me, and I don’t get concerned with anything!
Why aren’t you here? Why are you absent? You are constantly zoned out, off in the distance, occasionally resurfacing every now and then to languidly take care of the ever increasing amount of homework that is actually terrifying me. I mean I appreciate you not being around to get me anxious about our grades (because let’s be honest, I don’t check those on my own), but seriously, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be proud of them if you were fully here.
Brain, you are usually so quick to shut down unhealthy thoughts that could make me begin to feel things that I should not or do not want to feel. But there has been no defense on your part for almost two months. Don’t get me wrong, it was a lot of fun in February to feel whatever I wanted without a tight leash from you. I could do whatever I wanted! But I am realizing as your absence increases that in fact, I need you. I need you, Brain, to filter thoughts before they become feelings. I need you to think up new thoughts for me to become passionate about. I need you to be present and keep me from doing anything horribly stupid (which, I’m pretty sure I’ve already done that…).
Look, I need you to come back. Without you, I’ve been trying to protect myself from thoughts that then become feelings. It’s not working all that well. My only way of doing so is becoming hard again. Apathy is the only way to not get worked up over little things that I can’t rationalize on my own, and it’s not fun. I don’t want to be in this position anymore.
So, Brain, I know you took on way too much this semester, but you have to be an adult and deal with it (look who’s giving the adulting advice). It’s time to wake up. I hope your vacation was fun. But you need to get back to work now because I honestly can’t do your job and my job at the same time.
With a very small sliver of apathetic love,