An Open Letter to the Gentleman who Accidentally Received my Heart

To the gentleman who accidentally received my heart:

Thank you.

I gave you something you never wanted to have, nor were you supposed to have. Yet, throughout this whole season you have been a gentleman and have protected my heart. You never dropped it, you never let it get dirty, and you never let it get hurt. You held my heart and waited for me to grow up and get my act together enough for me to hold it myself.

It is in no way your fault that I found myself in this mess. I met you at an angry and lonely time in my life. I refused to let designated people in my life be the male role models I needed. I was immature and thought I didn’t need anyone. Then you walked into my life. The moment you shook my hand and introduced yourself, I knew you were going to be important. We began to spend a considerable amount of time together and you quickly became one of my best friends. However, I unknowingly let you fill the role of male affirmation that I desperately needed and I began relying on you for the attention I craved.

I didn’t become aware of what was happening or my feelings for you until a specific day (although they had probably been there, under the surface, for quite some time). It was the day I crashed and freaked out. By some divine coincidence you were there. Yes, our mutual friends were with you. No, it was not you who bought me ice-cream to make me feel better. But it was you who chose to drive me home. To a terrified seventeen year old, the act of driving me home made you my knight in shining armor.

From that point, something in my brain clicked. I liked you. I really liked you. I didn’t want those feelings to go away. For the first time in a long time, I felt happy. My brain quickly began to create a false reality. It led me to believe that I was a mature young woman, ready for a relationship. Somehow, I was convinced that you didn’t see me as the child I was. I read into everything you did and said. I even began to believe you shared my feelings.

Suddenly, I had given you my heart. You eventually realized what was happening, how it took you so long, I have no idea. The crazy thing is, you knew, and you still acted as a gentleman. You could have easily taken advantage of my willingness to do anything for you, but you didn’t. Amazingly, you didn’t just protect my heart; you protected me from myself, you protected me from doing anything that I would regret later.

I can honestly never thank you enough. Because of you, I am now able to take back my heart, clean and unharmed. I am able to continue through life with no scars from this experience. Thank you for being patient while I grew up and learned that Jesus is the only one who can properly give me the attention I want. Thank you for still being willing to be one of my best friends even though you’ve seen my roughest edges. You, seriously are great.

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